Embers to Ashes
by BabyJane14
Summary: He was walking a very thing line between mess and ass, he just wasn't sure he could handle it anymore.
1. Someone Does Care

**Manda's Note**: Alright my loves you have to do me a favor ok? Throw out everything about 'My Ana' the Santana I write all the time away. ok? This is something new with its own background and feeling. I don't know where it came from but I do know that I sat down to write Gabe and this is what came out. Ok so last night! go from when Puck had his breakdown in Figgens office ok? this is RIGHT after that. **enjoy**?

I'm gonna go finish the second half of last weeks Gabe ;)

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"So you think you're hot enough to take me to bread…"

Standing with her arms crossed talking to some kid who'd earlier in the day blatantly asked for a blow job without offering anything in return she was enticed to pull him into a room and do it just to get him to shut the fuck up. She might have pulled him somewhere and she might have finished her sentence had it not been for the familiar mohawked male speeding through the hallway as if the school was burning down. Normally she would of chalked it up to him speeding after someone to slushy them. Yet, there was no slushy in his hand and more important than that for some reason seeing him the way he was gave her a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. She couldn't explain exactly why seeing him that way as he rushed off made a lump rise up in her throat., her heart beat faster in her ear, or her hands push the ass who'd wanted her away before following right after him.

Sure, they'd had sex in her car after dropping Brittany off. She didn't share Puck, she'd never shared him. He had nail marks down his back and she had bite marks in her shoulder from it yet, for the first time in a month she'd enjoyed every moment and every feeling . She'd relished in every touch of his finger tips, kiss of his lips, and scrape of his teeth no matter where it'd been on her body. Had she been any less Santana she might have actually been in pain from the things they'd done in the small and confound space. Maybe it was the years of gymnastics that made her flexible enough to handle it all, or maybe it was the way he held her afterward, his arms low on her hips, his head over her heart. So it wasn't the conventional girl being secure in a guys arms but they weren't ever a 'conventional' pairing.

It wasn't hard to follow him. She might have pushed her way through a few people but it helped that majority of McKinley feared her. He'd gone straight into Shue's Spanish room, a place that was and would be empty for a remainder of the day. She could hear the slamming of desks and the ruffling of papers in every angry direction and had it been anyone else it might have caused her to back off and scream to someone of fake importance that there was a madman destroying a classroom just to see the hell that would ensue when Figgens and the rest of his patrol got up to the second floor. But this wasn't the same as every other revenge bit she'd tried before in her life, this was Puck.

Hearing something sounding like a desk slam against the wall pulled her from her thoughts. There was something going on and she couldn't stand and do nothing until someone actually caught the sounds of wood and mold meeting and making a mark. Her hand twisted the brass knob, her heartbeat faster and she couldn't figure out what was going on. Was she actually afraid of something? How was that possible? she wasn't ever afraid of anything, she was to bitch to be afraid of things. There was only one time she'd felt nearly the same emotions, that'd been when the true paternity of Quinn's screw up had come to and she'd had to leave the room right after to sort through things.

His back was to her and he was pulling at the papers Shue'd hung up on the wall with grades or some shit like that. There was a rage that filled his hazel eyes like the deep orange embers of a fire burning with vengeance. She'd never seen the fury in his glaze so intense as she saw at that moment. It was more than that though, there was something else that she didn't recognize.

"Get the fuck out of here"

As he seethed she went completely ridgid, her hands clenched into fists at her sides and her head locked into firm stance. Anyone else might have freaked out and left the room with some sort of petty fear, not her though, instead her pristinely white Nike shoe closed the door behind her as she stepped back to lean against it signifying that there was no way in hell that she was leaving the room. he couldn't make her with whatever insults he wanted to throw her way.

"I said GET THE FUCK OUT"

He raised his voice and she crossed her clenched fists willing him to look at her chocolate brown eyes for a minuet , something that he avoided doing at all possible costs.

"No"

She said sharply, her whole attitude in the two letter word. There was no sympathy, no remorse, no question behind the word. Just a firm statement that she wasn't backing down from as he sauntered forward with anger and frustration in his every step as he forcefully stopped only steps from her and angry pinned her to the back of the door. He'd forced himself into an livid and searching kiss. his mouth suddenly searching hers with a fire that he wasn't going to be met with. Instead he was met with something that even felt foreign to her own mouth.

There was a …tenderness to it. Something so soft with so much feeling on her end, emotions emanated from it making her actually want to shake and run off as his own end softened to something she'd never experienced by anyone ever. It scared her worse than hearing banging and shuffling. Then it happened, putting his head down she watched wordless and helpless as he broke into a million pieces right in front of her eyes. His every wall and every defense crashed into a hundred thousand pieces right in front of her shocked eyes. **This was her biggest fear. **


	2. All the things you don't know

**Manda's Note**: Wow this took forever to get going didn't it? My apologies, it won't happen again. New Santana I... think I like her. I'll let you find out for yourselves. Those who this is for you know who you and and if I wasn't in the miiddle of a writing frenzy i'd write a better note but ...so much to do so little time. Read Enjoy Review...

**Mackenzie **– My roll I was on faltered didn't it :( think I have it back though. Not sure exactly where this is heading but working with it. hope you've got time to read

**emenine **– Fierce isn't it? ;) it'll continue to be… I swear. how could it not be with the two of them?

**Melissa **– very slowly coming together story. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

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"You moved it… you had to have fucking moved it. I told you not to come in my room. I told you not to touch my shit. How could you move it?"

Jane Puckerman was exhausted, to say the least anyway. The beginning of November and her son's behavior only seemed to be getting worse rather than better. He was in more pain than she knew how to deal with and his lash out actions only kept getting him into trouble. She couldn't handle the constant freak outs anymore. She'd put him in therapy all summer and he'd sat there, a stone wall, claiming that he didn't need help. He'd been sent to juvie the month of October for continuing his spiteful actions outside of the house. it all made Jane wonder where she'd gone so wrong as a parent, where she'd failed him. She felt so helpless looking a him. In so many ways he was still that little boy had curled up close to her every night that her once abusive husband had been finished attaching his fist to her face. At the same time he was so far from her little man that she didn't know how or what to do to help him anymore.

"Noah, I haven't been in your bedroom. Don't you go accusing your sister of it either because you know that she won't do it either. Not after the last time you freaked out on her and please, could you please watch your mouth? You know how I feel about that language being used in this house."

Her voice was tired, worn, and broken. All she wanted was her son back, the little boy she'd raised and watched. The boy before the manipulating blonde had meddled in his life. Jane had known from the moment he'd sat her down and broken the news to her about his expectancies. She'd cried and he'd cried, he'd clung to her and apologized over and over again, that was the Noah Puckerman that she missed. That was the son that she'd raised. Not the angry adult throwing things around his bedroom on the hunt for a thumb sized hospital bracelet.

"I don't care what you want in this house ma …I just want my kid's fucking hospital bracelet."

Wincing again at his words she shook her head and looked up at the ceiling. What had she done to deserve such punishment. sighing to herself she sat down and put her head in her hands on the couch. This wasn't the way she'd ever planned for things to turn out. Her son was supposed to be so much more than the path he was heading down. Lingering on her thoughts and listening to him throw and push around things in his bedroom she'd almost missed the doorbell ring. Well at least he was home and she wasn't about to find out that he was being hauled off to juvie again. mentally crossing her fingers that it wasn't something that she'd have to have him hauled off for this time she walked through the dining room to the breeze way to open the door.

The Latina girl on the other side of the door was the type to scare any mother. With beautiful big brown eyes and a smile that could very easily go both ways from innocent to hell raiser. she studied the girl for a moment, waiting to see if she'd faultier or intact under her gaze. the girl never even faltered. She just smiled a half menacing smile and held the box in her hands tighter.

"If you're looking for Noah I can't promise you he's up for visitors right now"

Moving out of the way she let the teenage girl in anyway, shuttering when she noticed the cheerio coat. The last thing Noah needed was any of the cheerleaders further ruining his life. The girl walked further in the breezeway and put the box in her hands down. shaking her head she ran her hand through her hair for a moment and fixed her glasses out of what Jane could guess was nervous habit. Nerves seemed to be far from who the girl in front of her was though.

"Don't worry I'm not a friend of Quinn's"

With the clarification part of Jane wanted to reach out and hug the elusive Latina. If there was one thing Jane Puckerman knew for sure it was that her son didn't need any more reminders of what the selfish blonde had done to him. Her face evened out to a friendly smile at the girl.

"Mrs. … Puckerman …I um… I'm a …friend? of Puck's. My names Santana and I um… I have some stuff that could help… possibly."

Jane opened her mouth to protest, to inform the high school aged cheerleader that there wasn't anything that could help her son other than counseling and time. There wasn't anything that a box could do to get him out of the funk that he was in. bit the girl shaking her head and shoving her hands into her jacket pockets for some reason made her stop mid sentence.

"Trust me …my biological parents were sixteen year old idiots too"

Suddenly Jane shut her mouth, there was a new perspective on the girl she hadn't been expecting to see. Not the girl who's ears seemed to sparkle with real diamond studs and a gold chain around her neck. She'd expected an over privileged brat coming to seduce her son. Not someone who could very well have been the key to everything he was holding locked inside. Giving her a smile she nodded her head and pointed to the stairs.

"It's the second door on the right and please excuse the mess in there. He hasn't been himself lately."

Santana nodded her head like she knew that better than anything else. Jane didn't raise questions, she didn't want to know. the only thing she actually knew for sure was the fact that it seemed like she could be the key to getting her little boy back and for that Jane was more than willing to try almost anything.

"And Santana? …Thanks."


	3. It's not always for what you think

Manda's Note: I hate not doing personal notes to everyone but it's been so long i'm not sure any of you would remember the story in its self. Starting next chapter I promise i'll be getting back to those. It makes me feel so guilty not to do them. But anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter ...this Santana :P

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"Go away Lopez, I'm not in the mood for you to go down on me."

Her eyes rolled up at the ceiling the moment the words left his mouth. She wasn't surprised that was the first thing he thought of. The only thing she was surprised about was the fact that he'd only looked at her legs and he knew it was her, the boy could be such a perv sometimes. It was just a good thing she wasn't like anyone else and she insisted upon doing what she wanted to do. Shrugging her shoulder she didn't bother to listen to him as she put the box down on the dusty top of his dresser earning a scowl from him as she did so. She shrugged her shoulders right back at him and sat down it wasn't like his reactions even so much as scared her. There wasn't much about hi that actually scared her. The only thing that made her unhinged was what had happened the day prior. The way he'd broken down without any warning to someone that she'd never seen before. Crossing her arms she could feel him in her arms, his head on her shoulder as he'd actually let the emotions of everything hit him.

"Don't worry Puckerman with your mood right now I'd have to spend the time turning myself on anyway."

Walking to his bed where he was laying down there wasn't a single second of hesitation as she laid down beside him with her own arms crossed not paying any attention to his glare or instant frustration at the fact that she'd paid no mind to the fact that he didn't seem like he even wanted her around. He never bothered to unclench or to look at her. Instead she could tell he was attempting to use silence to get to her. Make her feel uncomfortable and leave. Actions that didn't make her feel anything of the sort. If he wanted to be that way she could have just closed her eyes and gone to sleep and still been perfectly comfortable in his bed. It was a strange attraction and feeling that she couldn't explain very well. The way he made her feel was something that she couldn't explain very well. Not that she was complaining about it of course. It felt good to feel lay in the since by his side, even if he was in one of his moods. If he hadn't actually wanted her there he would have made sure she left. She knew that much about him.

The silence wasn't as heavy as it would have been with anyone else being in their positions. Instead was light and not suffocating. Then he made the first move, rolling onto his side and looking at her hazel meeting dark brown. She saw every inch of hurt that clouded his vision. How badly he was handling the choices that had been made for him. teeth dug into her cheek for a moment as she internally dared herself to make a move. There was hesitance in her hand raise but she did it, her left hand brushing against the side of his face, his eyes closing the moment she touched his skin.

"You …if… you would have kept her San …wouldn't you of?"

She couldn't open her mouth to say anything back to him just then, she simply let her thumb brush down his cheek. His lips puckered and kissed the pad of her thumb when she was close enough. He was so hot and cold sometimes. Going from telling her to get out of his room to showing the other and sweeter side of himself to her. It made her a little more daring and un afraid, her hand slipped down to rest on his chest as she moved closer to him, her head resting on his shoulder as he wrapped his arm around her pressing his lips to the top of her head. To anyone in the outside world they might have looked like a calm couple. They might have looked like they cared more than either one of them was willing to admit. For the time being the only thing she cared about was helping him cope with what had happened back at the end of his sophomore year. For some reason the stubborn Latina had it in her head that she could help. Maybe that was in a way because she understood it better than most people.

"Quinn… Quinn wouldn't even let me hold her. She said it would be worse for the both of us if we did."

Although his talking was hesitant, he run his hand up and down her shoulder. It was more so an action of comforting himself she could tell. Yet she stayed there. Whatever she could do to ease his pain even if it was just minor was something she was more than willing to do. Tana wouldn't admit it out loud but being this close to him was something that she liked probably more than se should have. Taking another deep breath as he pulled his fingers through her hair he buried his lips on the top of her head again, placing another kiss there.

"Puck…"

With hesitation for a second she was a little worried about how he'd react to her adding her two sense into things. no on usually reacted well when she butted into situations that she didn't belong in. Then again majority of the time she did that they were situations that she didn't belong in the middle of to begin with. Her eyes glanced at her box across the room and she shut her eyes tighter for a moment. She'd never really talked to anyone about this before and she still wasn't really sure how to do so. But she knew that she needed to try. Maybe it'd be the thing to get through to him and help a little with his erratic behavior.

"You know …I was adopted."


	4. It was for the better

**Manda's Note:**It really does take me to damn long to do things doesn't it?

**Megan**: Your review struck such a cord with me. I can't say that I personally know much about adoption other than what's publicized here and there but I do have to say that since I was little it's always been a fascination of mine. I honestly envy your parents, the fact that anyone can be that selfless as to giving up something so important to better not only their lives but a child's life as well. Sorry, I'm probably going way over line here. Sorry about that.

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That wasn't something he expected to hear out of her mouth. there was surprise written all over his face as he looked at her in confusion but for once not like he was going to snap at any moment. Instead he simply looked at her. Giving her the time and the space to say a little bit more than she had. To tell her story on her side of things. A story that she'd only ever told to her therapist. The only reason she'd ever bothered to do that was because the woman was a friend of her mom's and it seemed like she went through a tough time when she was just a little bit younger. But as they said, everyone had their rough patches. Just like everyone who grows up with their biological parents you always feel the need to try and find yourself. She laid their silent for a few moments, holding eye contact with him as she attempted to sort out the words in her mind. It wasn't that this was something hard for her to talk about it was more like she didn't know exactly what she wanted to tell him. She'd be cutting far closer to actually divulging her true feelings than she was used to. It was then that she realized that she was taking too long to say anything and giving him the wrong idea because he was giving her that look as he tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

"My biological parents were young and stupid, a lot like you."

She wasn't going to factor Quinn into any of this. Because when that was done it made her angry at him, angry for sleeping with her best friend during their pretty much open relationship, angry at him for breaking her heart. Though of course, she'd never tell him that he'd done that. Just like she'd never admit out loud how hurt she was that her supposed best friend could be so ruthless when she swore on girl code. It also wasn't like she was going to do or say any of this without the minor insults that she felt entitled to. She needed to hide her emotions over it in something light sarcasm would just be the way she went with it. It sounded safe to her. Pushing his buttons a little bit even when he'd claim he didn't want to hear it was something that she couldn't resist. It was who they were.

Then her voice cracked, she hadn't meant for it to. She hadn't meant her emotions to get the best of her. No, that was the last thing in hell that she'd planned for. But, this wasn't stuff that she talked about every day. This was stuff that she liked to hide and pretend didn't exist most of the time just so she didn't have to think about what life had almost been like. The only hell Santana had ever really caused her parents was driving them up the walls by the things she did, sneaking out and being your normal, typical teenager. She wasn't the cause of them losing any of their dreams. Thankfully the same went for her biological parents.

"I've never been more thankful for two people, who weren't my mom and dad, in my entire life. Because they not only gave themselves futures and me less of a hell to live in, but, they also gave me my mom and dad. And I mean, you've been to my house Puck. I drive them insane most of the time but really, their better than anything I could have asked for. And, they've always been open about all of this. About where I come from and who Ricky and Marie are. It's not like I don't know where I come from, I've known all along."

Sitting up and pulling away from his gaze she walked back over near the door, reaching for the box she'd brought into his room. She stands there for another moment looking down at it contemplating how he's going to react to any of it. Carrying the box back to the bed she put it down before climbing back up, by now Puck was sitting up on the bed. His arms reached for her hips, pulling her back to him as if it was nothing. Once she was settled into his lap his rested his head on her shoulder, overlooking what was in her hands. The photo in her hands showed the image of a boy with a backwards cap. In his arms a pink blanket, a little hand reaching up in attempt to grab the cross that hung on the chain around his neck. The photograph looked like it could have been an older brother with a younger sister, it didn't look as though he could be the baby's father. There was far too much innocence in the way he glanced down at the tiny infant.

"This would be Ricky Santos, my biological father …also, the guy you tried to kick out of my quinceanera."

Letting out a slight laugh at her comment he took the photo out of her hand to look at her closer and she waited silent for the cheap shot about how she's changed over the years but it didn't come. This really wasn't her normal Puck. Instead his eyes studied the photo and she knew he was seeing the day the summer past that he'd said goodbye to his own child. She let him stay in his own thoughts for a moment as she lifted up a pile of folded papers. Her eyes glancing over the hand writing, rubbing the pen swipes across the papers that she'd read over and over though the years.

"I've gotten at least twelve letters a year since the day I was born. He's always wanted to be a part of my life and he's always been a part of my life, just like he's always wanted to be. Just little reminders here and there to let me know that he still thinks about me all the time. That regardless of what's gone on I'm still his child even though I have parents who love me unconditionally. It's the little things that remind you that matter most. Little things like this …this."

Reaching on the side of his bed he picked up the tiny hospital bracelet that was half hidden underneath papers and other junk that Puck's bedroom consisted of. Part of her wasn't sure what his reaction to her picking up Beth's hospital bracelet would be, mostly she knew that if he yelled at her she'd yell right back at him. because Puck didn't scare her unless he was kissing her softly. That side of him scared her more than anything else and that was only because she'd never known him to be overly tender. She didn't need another reason to fall for Noah Puckerman. That was for damn sure.


End file.
